very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
