Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
