you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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