he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
