Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
