Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
