...so i touched it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
