Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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