we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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