did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
