It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
