i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
