I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
