Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
