I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
