dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bring me that man meat
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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