do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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