I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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