tell your sister to shave her snatch
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
