Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
