i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
