I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
