I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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