I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
