he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
