So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're too hungover to prance.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
