so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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