this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
