Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
