Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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