just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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