I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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