You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
