her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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