This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
