You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
