omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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