Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The power of my boobs compel you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
