I need to stop coming to work sober
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize