i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
