He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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