I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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