guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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