Plan B is the new Plan A
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
