walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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