Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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