I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
