Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
