that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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