Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
