what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
