Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
