I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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