Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
