just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
