Why does Corona taste like a burp?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
