I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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