Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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