Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You pole danced in your parka.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
