i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
