Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
