Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
