I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
