K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
