i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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