Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
