I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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